Sexploits

English 101 contains no practical information about the human penis. 

I'm not suggesting that course standards should be re-evaluated, but there should be some point in our lives where we have honest, down-to-earth discussions of genitalia – what's normal and what isn't.  It's never too late to learn something new about the penis or vagina.  For now, let's focus on the former.

If you've ever looked at your boyfriend's (or your own) junk and wondered if it's average, or thought it's definitely above or below average, you're not the only one.  A government-sponsored website for teen health is quick to reassure readers that, "Penises come in different sizes, shapes, and colors."  While this may seem like the kindergarten class of penis information, it's a good place to start. 

A frequent topic in women's magazines has always been, "What is that Thing in My Man's Pants?"  Not that the idea is anything new, but penises really do vary in presentation. 

An odd color, shape, bump, or freckle really isn't that odd at all.  Penises can have freckles just like any other patch of skin; they can also have sebaceous glands and papules that may look like an STD, but are actually normal and tend to fade with time.  Of course, it is important to know the difference between a normal bump and a genital wart (look it up, burn it in your memory).

Something that doesn't need a lot of focus is size.  The debate will probably rage on until the sunset of civilization, but the basic facts are this – the average erect penis is six inches long.  Give or take an inch, just about everybody falls into that category.  Measuring utensils and scam websites put aside, it really doesn't make that big a difference (no pun intended). 

Why waste time obsessing over measurements when there are so many more fascinating medical facts about the penis that go without discussion?  Did you know the penis is actually boomerang shaped?  The whole penis, tucked in the pelvis and attached to the pubic bone is in a boomerang shape. 

But that doesn't mean it can always bounce back; it is possible to break the penis.  It's called a penile fracture and occurs most frequently in young men with extra-rigid erections.  It's rare, but still a possibility, and something to avoid at all cost.  The symptoms are an audible pop, black and blue discoloration, and, you guessed it, agonizing pain.

The best advice I can give, is know your penis like you know yourself.  This applies to the ladies, too; know the penises in your life.  Know what to expect from them, how to treat them, and what a healthy penis is.  A healthy penis is a happy penis.